i came across these words written on a picture frame from a writing class i took late last year:
love. love. love.
my cheeks hurt.
about 4 years ago i attended a workshop in seattle entitled “positive transformation in a time of global change”. not only did it change my life and encourage me along my path, it made me feel hopeful and optimistic. i saw a future that was promising and in tune with natural order. a future where ecology is considered. it is a future with a holistic approach. a big picture. a future where bandaids aren’t patched over symptoms. it was all clear and simple. it plainly and eloquently illustrated a future with clear a conscious.
last night, president obama (president sexypants, i used to refer to him) signed H.R. 933, which contained the monsanto protection act, into law. more than 250,000 Americans who asked that he use his executive authority to veto it. everything monsanto touches, historically, turns to cancer. there is absolutely no integrity involved in anything the corporation does. i was actually born at night, but not last night; i know money talks. i know how politics works.
the signing of this provision is disastrous. it opens the floodgates further. enough is enough, as my soccer coach used to say with his long island accent. how much worse do things have to become before they get better?
so obama has lost his sexypants status. it reminds me of when my mother, who was a big ann richards supporter, found out she supported tobacco lobbyists. while it’s true that politicians can never be trusted or depended upon, they are elected by the people, for the people. the signing of this provision was neither in the best interest of the people of this country (nor the global community), it was not what the people wanted.
i’ve been working downtown lately, which has been nice because it’s given me time to explore a part of the city i don’t go often. it’s the oldest part of the city.
this beautiful beaux-arts style building is what’s left of the native american presence in manhattan. it sits on what was fort amsterdam, the nucleus of the new amsterdam settlement, at the foot of the wiechquaekeck trail. the algonquins used the dirt path as a trading route. we call it broadway. it runs all the way up the concrete jungle that was once home to turtles and beavers and other abundant wildlife.
speaking of beavers, this makes me really sad. can you imagine, sitting at home minding your own business when suddenly you are doused with diesel oil? how horrific. how irresponsible. there’s nothing okay about this. oil spills are constantly happening and not widely reported. 8,000 gallons in salt lake city last week. 20,000 gallons in east texas last month. way too much oil being spilled. it’s like we’re trying to kill ourselves so that a few people can make a lot of money. and then there’s this blabbering idiot, from texas of course. liberals don’t hate science, but apparently greedy politicians hate responsibility and ecology.
it’s that time of year, we’re on the edge of spring. it looks like we’ll get to the end of march without seeing 50 degrees again. snow is in the forecast today. the only reason this makes me feel a little bummed is because i want to plant my seeds!
nasturtiums, cucumbers, sage, parsley, rosemary, cosmos, arugula, radish, dill. i have leftover borage seeds from last year, too.
i’ve been letting these green onions root. they are probably ready to be transferred to a pot. i planted them this way last year, and they thrived. i’ve already installed a screen along the railing of the terrace to protect the plants from the unrelenting summer sun. the pots and organic soil are ready to go, now i just have to be patient.
i have been inspired since my trip to LA or maybe it’s that winter is coming to an end. probably both. i’ve been shifting things around, making space for new things, deep cleaning. it’s been great.
before, in the corner of my bedroom i had a silkscreen canvas propped against the wall on top of an applebox. it’s an area of the room that doesn’t get much traffic, but it’s what i see when i wake up in the morning. on the wall i have a collection of images, notes from friends, quotes like “one peaceful world”, “it is beautiful to love and be free at the same time”, “the world is ruled by letting things take their course, it cannot be ruled by interfering”, the list of organs and their corresponding time of day and animal, and my birth chart tacked to the wall. down below is a columbia school of the arts canvas bag that zips full of winter hats, scarves, and gloves. it’s been kind of a stagnant no-man’s land space for too long.
i’d been wanting to add another plant to my room. i have a couple on the window sill. i wanted a mother in law’s tongue. in all my shifting and cleaning, i moved the mother in law’s tongue from the living room and found a spot for it on top of the apple box.
instant gratification. happiness. the space feels like it’s received a much needed activation, total transformation. i hope the plant likes it’s new spot. i think it’s perfect–the upward tree-energy movement of the leaves changed the way the room feels entirely, not just in this spot. amazing what a little life does for a space.
i signed up to get a daily tarot card reading the other day, which i’ve been enjoying for the last two days with the exception of all the junk email that has been coming along with it. maybe i need to get myself a set and do it the old fashioned way.
today i got the KNAVE OF CHALICES.
“this card suggests TRUST. i am enthusiastic, open, and trusting about my new found feelings, capacity, passion, or hearts desire. i wear my heart on my sleeve and i am happy when sharing or expressing pleases and connects me to the support, beauty, and love in others. i am empowered by attention and my gift is desire or epiphany.”
TRUST. interesting, because while i was sleeping, trust was definitely a theme in my dream. so i got to thinking about trust and did a little digging. it’s easy for me to trust the process, trust that things in my life will work out. that’s more of a MACRO VIEW. the MICRO VIEW of trust is on an individual level. The macro view can be seen and practiced with disregard to the micro view. maybe that’s where i want to be hanging out? the micro view is so much more complex and challenging. it can make my head spin. it seems sort of dependent on expectations and attachment to outcomes, but i still have to have trust in the individuals in my life. it’s tricky.
a trustor becomes completely dependent on the trustee. even if the trustee is trustworthy, the trustor is still vulnerable. being vulnerable and having uncertainty can be scary. there’s risk involved. regaining trust is difficult once it is lost, depending on the severity.
there is beauty in vulnerability, though. and there are certainly lessons to be learned in losing, gaining, and earning trust. i have come to understand that there is a relationship between being dependent and dependable on a quest for independence. likewise i think a person who is trustworthy may attract others who are trustworthy. it doesn’t mean people won’t disappoint or break our trust. if there aren’t any cracks, the light can’t shine through, right? it’s a slippery slope, though. deep cracks won’t hold water.
but what can you do? people are imperfect. just as there is beauty in vulnerability there is beauty in trusting unconditionally. that doesn’t mean closing the eyes and becoming blind. trust seems no less powerful than love. funny how they accompany each other. without trust, how can a person love?
the nice thing about trust is that when you find out someone is untrustworthy, it isn’t necessary to keep them around. it’s okay to let go and find love and trust elsewhere, even if the only person you have to trust and love is yourself.