dear emily

i moved in with a crazy woman october 12.

i asked her to put her terms and conditions in writing (since her word became untrustworthy).  and so came the first note, taped to the fridge.

a few days later i come home in the evening and there’s a note taped to my door.  before i can look at it, she comes running out telling me she’s so sorry, but there’s a kitten in the bathroom.  it will be gone in the morning.

of course, the kitten wasn’t gone in the morning, but there’s another note taped to my door.

so then it’s halloween.  i leave around 6 to go to a party up in harlem.  plan to be home by 11.  i leave the lamp (with an energy efficient bulb) in my room on so i don’t have to fumble around in the dark when i get home to turn it on.  (it’s not controlled by the light switch.)  plus i hate to leave my cat locked in a dark room.  so when i get home, this 4-page note is taped to my door.

in the morning when i wake up, this one is taped to the kitchen table.

so i write her a note explaining that i’d replace the bulb, that i’d like to see a copy of the bill, that it’s impossible in the 2 weeks i’ve been living in her apartment the electric bill has more than doubled, and that often when i come home all the lights in the apartment are on (none of which i turned on).

she of course writes back.

“okay whatever.”  omg.

so after 12 pages of notes in 2 weeks (and that’s not all of them!), i write her a note saying that i will be moving out december 1.

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