the knave of chalices

i signed up to get a daily tarot card reading the other day, which i’ve been enjoying for the last two days with the exception of all the junk email that has been coming along with it. maybe i need to get myself a set and do it the old fashioned way.

today i got the KNAVE OF CHALICES.

“this card suggests TRUST. i am enthusiastic, open, and trusting about my new  found feelings, capacity, passion, or hearts desire. i wear my heart on my sleeve and i am happy when sharing or expressing pleases and connects me to the support, beauty, and love in others. i am empowered by attention and my gift is desire or epiphany.”

TRUST. interesting, because while i was sleeping, trust was definitely a theme in my dream. so i got to thinking about trust and did a little digging. it’s easy for me to trust the process, trust that things in my life will work out. that’s more of a MACRO VIEW. the MICRO VIEW of trust is on an individual level. The macro view can be seen and practiced with disregard to the micro view. maybe that’s where i want to be hanging out? the micro view is so much more complex and challenging. it can make my head spin. it seems sort of dependent on expectations and attachment to outcomes, but i still have to have trust in the individuals in my life. it’s tricky.

a trustor becomes completely dependent on the trustee. even if the trustee is trustworthy, the trustor is still vulnerable. being vulnerable and having uncertainty can be scary. there’s risk involved. regaining trust is difficult once it is lost, depending on the severity.

there is beauty in vulnerability, though. and there are certainly lessons to be learned in losing, gaining, and earning trust. i have come to understand that there is a relationship between being dependent and dependable on a quest for independence. likewise i think a person who is trustworthy may attract others who are trustworthy. it doesn’t mean people won’t disappoint or break our trust. if there aren’t any cracks, the light can’t shine through, right? it’s a slippery slope, though. deep cracks won’t hold water.

but what can you do? people are imperfect. just as there is beauty in vulnerability there is beauty in trusting unconditionally. that doesn’t mean closing the eyes and becoming blind. trust seems no less powerful than love.  funny how they accompany each other. without trust, how can a person love?

the nice thing about trust is that when you find out someone is untrustworthy, it isn’t necessary to keep them around. it’s okay to let go and find love and trust elsewhere, even if the only person you have to trust and love is yourself.

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